The disillusionment of Sultana

In the eighteenth century, a genie gave a certain Sultan a magic ring which, when rubbed, would force a woman’s private parts to speak, and confess all their indiscretions. In the end, the Sultan’s misuse of the ring led the genie to take it back. Two hundred years later, in Mumbai - just the other day, in fact - the same genie gave the ring to a good woman named Sultana Begum, and told her that it worked just as well on men.

The genie had been looking for a deserving candidate who was worthy of the ring and decided to present it to the most chaste and virtuous woman in Mumbai. From the vantage point of the genie’s astral dimension, Sultana Begum was an easy choice to make as she had never lied or wished ill for anyone in the fifty two years of her existence. She was also a loving, caring and gentle person who could not hurt a fly. The genie visited her in her dreams when she was fast asleep and found her fantasising about devouring besan ke ladoo alongside badam ka doodh to gulp it down with. 

“Sultana Begum” the genie proclaimed “Keep the ladoos aside and pay attention. I am gifting you a magical ring. As soon as you wear it and rub it while pointing at a man’s groin, the man will have no choice but to divulge his innermost secrets. But do not be surprised when the voice comes from the man’s most precious belonging, his genitals. Since you are the most virtuous woman in Mumbai, you are granted this amazing gift. Now go ahead and peek at souls of men you wish to unveil. Take care and do go easy on the sweets my sweet lady. Sweet dreams.”

Sultana awoke with a start and frantically looked around for the genie. All she could see was her husband Mahboob Khan snoring blissfully besides her in their tiny windowless room. As she was going back to sleep, she noticed a gleaming object near the table lamp. She pounced at it and was elated to find that it was the same ring that the genie had shown to her in her dreams. Her dream had indeed come true! She went back to sleep glowing in the satisfaction that she was the most virtuous woman in the city and the proud owner of a magic ring. 

Mahboob Khan awoke the next morning as the sun rose and glanced at the sleeping figure of his beautifully rotund wife. An angelic smile was plastered on her face. She must be dreaming about jalebis dipped in rabdi I am sure, Mahboob thought to himself. Mahboob Khan considered himself lucky that an auto rickshaw driver like him had managed to find a wife like Sultana. It was not just because she was lovely and beautiful albeit leaning on the plumpier side physically; it was because she made it worthwhile to continue living meaningfully in an otherwise difficult and dreary existence. All the aches in his aging body and the never-ending migraine resulting from a stressful day at work became tolerable due to the inexhaustible supply of her smiles, her charms and her silliness. Had he been stuck with a shrew, he would have had run away from home a long time back to become a fakir in some faraway place where no one could find him.

He woke Sultana up as the day was long and the chores were plenty. As soon as she woke up she began to prattle about some genie and a magic ring which made men reveal their secrets. Mahboob gave her a glass of water to contain her jabbering and to calm her down. Once she caught her breath, she showed him the ring and narrated the dream. Mahboob examined it and came to the conclusion it was no ordinary ring. The colourful jewel that adorned the top of the ring glittered luminously; clearly it was worth a fortune.

“There is no such thing as magic Sultana. I hope you have not started lying for the sake of an expensive ring. Tell me where did you really find it?” 

“If you don’t care to believe me then I will prove to you about its powers. All I have to do is rub this ring and point it at your junior and your junior will begin to speak” 

Mahboob looked at her with a quizzical expression. The conversation was getting too weird for him. “Have you lost your mind early in the morning? What do you mean ‘point at my junior’?”

Sultana began to blush like a schoolgirl. Three children and advancing age had not managed to quell her prudishness about sexual organs. She pointed to Mahboob’s groin and covered her face to suppress her giggles.

 “What a fine specimen you are Sultana. Go ahead and let me also see the wonderful powers of your amazing ring.”

Sultana enthusiastically rubbed the ring and waited for the magic to unfold. Immediately there was a noise of clearing of throat and then a robot like voice arose from the penis of Mahboob and spoke “Your husband Mahboob Khan has hidden many things from you. Once a week he goes to a local bar and gulps down half a bottle of whisky and lies through his teeth once he comes home. He is also in the habit of chewing tobacco everyday but hides the smell by eating cardamom before coming home. Other than you he does not have any other sexual partner even though before marriage he was a total rogue with girls. He would whisper to school girls that he has an amazing secret to tell them but would do so only if they let him caress their breasts. After having his fun he would admit he had no secret to tell and would run away from there. After marriage he almost yielded to your neighbour Nafisa’s charms when she wanted your husband as she was unhappy in her own abusive marriage. But your husband controlled his temptations in time as he remembered your face and remained faithful. Also, once he slapped two children who were renting his auto as he found them making out through his rearview mirror. He was too ashamed to narrate this to you. Enough said.”  

   

The colour drained from Mahboob’s face as this peculiar confession from unexpected quarters left him dumbstruck. There was no doubt in his mind that the ring held powerful magical abilities which could easily extract the innermost secrets of a man as it had done with him. His head hung in shame and he found it difficult to look his wife in the eye. His carefully constructed image of a virtuous person who was pious and upright in his behaviour had been shattered in an instant. To keep his wife in good humour, he had decided he would say only those things that he anticipated would make her happy, thereby hiding those matters which were unpleasant. This he believed was the secret recipe for their happy marriage so far, until the magical ring came along and had other plans in store.

The look on Sultana’s face though was becoming more colourful by the moment. Initially, her face reddened with astonishment but slowly turned a tone of green as she processed the words and became more livid. Mahboob glanced at her uneasily and tried to figure out which of his misdemeanours was hurting her most.

“Don’t you feel ashamed of striking young children? The Almighty will never forgive you and will unleash his wrath on you for hurting them” Sultana shouted while continuous streams of spit sprayed from her mouth and on to Mahboob’s face.

“But they were doing unspeakable things in my auto. You should have seen how that boy’s hand slid inside the girl’s top as he was kissing her. I could not allow this kind of haram to desecrate my auto” Mahboob declared in his defence as he wiped the spit from his face.

“Oh! Haram is it? Have you forgotten what you did when you were a kid? Fooling innocent girls and trapping them with your lies. Hey Almighty, give me the strength to carry on living with this hypocrite!” Sultana exclaimed and began to sob. Mahboob had never seen Sultana this hurt before. He internally cursed the ring for souring his wife’s mood. She had not raised the topic of his hidden vices yet so he needed to think of a way to divert her attention as quickly as possible. He immediately came to the conclusion that the ring should be used on one of their three sons. Hopefully it would distract her from her misery and stop the barrage of admonishments flowing from her mouth. 

He contemplated which of the three sons would be the right choice. Their eldest son Afzal was a lazy good for nothing bugger who whiled away his time doing nothing. The ring could be used on him to extract a distracting enough confession. Afzal would finally be of some use and could be relied upon for this work at least. Mahboob got up from the bed and called Afzal from the adjoining room which he shared with Abdul, his brother. He made Afzal stand in front of Sultana and requested her to test the ring on their eldest son.   

Sultana hesitated for a moment until curiosity got the better of her. She wiped away her tears and rubbed the ring while pointing it towards Afzal. Instantly, a deep electronic voice erupted from Afzal’s crotch. “Your eldest son Afzal has hidden many secrets from you.  His sexual escapades are innumerable. Girls from the age of 14 and women up to the age of 40 have fallen victim to his inexorable seductive charms. His sexual appetite is immense and insatiable. Every afternoon, when you believe he is wasting his time with friends, he is on the lookout for fresh sexual partners as he gets bored easily and needs variety. He visits prostitutes when his daily requirement is not fulfilled and even they who are not easily pleased are enamoured by his abilities and are ready to provide their service for free. Once, he had sex eight times in a single day with three different women...”

Sultana quickly rubbed the ring again to silence the impudent voice as she could not bear to hear anymore of Afzal’s exploits. No words came out of her mouth to rebuke her son. She looked forlornly at Mahboob as if wishing he would tell her it had been a joke all along. Mahboob shook his head and scolded at his son “Had you put half of this energy in a productive business we would not have been so poor. Get out of my sight and make sure you end this indecent pleasure-seeking of yours.” Afzal gave a sheepish grin and went back to his room.

  

Afzal returned soon after, dragging along with him the half asleep figure of his brother Abdul.  “Ammi, please use your miraculous magic ring on Abdul too. Let his true nature be revealed to us. I am sure he is not as sweet as he looks.” Abdul was the apple of the eye of his parents and his pleasant countenance had swept away the hearts of most people in their chawl. His curly hair and the look of wide-eyed innocence bestowed a permanently angelic expression on his face.

By now, Mahboob had become more circumspect about subjecting anyone else to the tyrannical powers of the ring, especially more so when it would be used on his favourite child Abdul. “Sultana, let sleeping dogs lie. Do not use this ring on Abdul or anyone else for that matter” Mahboob pleaded but his entreaties were to no avail. Once again curiousity got the better of Sultana as she pointed the ring at a bleary eyed Abdul and rubbed it vigourously.

 

A squeaky voice emerged from underneath the half pant of Abdul “Your middle son Abdul Khan is a master of deceit and guile. He is a compulsive liar and inveterate cheat. He has kept hidden many aspects of his life from you. He pretends to represent the interests of factory workers in the chawl but secretly relays all information to his paymasters, the factory owners. He even fooled his Chacha Taufiq to accept a far lower amount as gratuity after his retirement. His agreeable nature and sweet demeanour makes him seem very trustworthy which he uses to his advantage. He has splurged most of his ill-gotten income on his girlfriend Alice whom he takes to fancy restaurants and expensive malls. He is also a puppet of the partners of a major real estate development firm who pay him to pretend to oppose them while slowly cornering all premium space in the chawl with his help. In short, your son Abdul is highly corrupt and opportunistic.”

 “Did I not say Abdul’s sweet demeanour is just pretence? But he has crossed all limits and has turned out to be a bigger player than I could ever imagine” Afzal muttered in exasperation.

Abdul’s body language remained defiant. “Just because I am born into a poor family does not mean I have to stay poor for the rest of my life. I will do whatever it takes to lead a good life and no one can come in my way, not even my family” he remarked disdainfully and stormed out of the room. Afzal too slipped out of the room without looking at his parents.

Sultana stared blankly at Mahoob. Nothing made sense to her anymore. A sense of a loss of innocence was creeping into her. The shine in her eyes was dimming and her enthusiasm for life was abating.  Life was no longer black and white as things could no longer be divided into good and bad. The men in her life whom she believed to be as innocent as her turned out to be capable of deceit, guile and cunning which were beyond her comprehension. The battles, lust and greed of men was too much for her to handle.

Mahboob tried to put up a brave face even though he was highly distraught at the turn of events which had transpired.  At that moment, Aamir the youngest son entered the room holding his stomach with both hands to indicate his hunger. Aamir was considered the dullard of the house. He hardly spoke as he seemed incapable of any complex human interaction and stayed in a small corner of the house mostly glued to his cheap smartphone.

Sultana looked at Aamir with hope in her eyes. “Let me try my ring on Aamir. At least he will turn out to be a good person.” She said pleadingly to Mahboob. “Sure, sweetheart. What secrets can poor Aamir hold? His junior will go mute within two sentences” replied Mahboob, not having the heart to refuse her request. Sultana immediately swung into action and rubbed the ring perfunctorily. 

A deep baritone voice began to sing from the groin region of Aamir “Your youngest son Aamir has hidden from you the fact that he is a highly knowledgeable person with genius level intelligence. He is extremely proficient in subjects as diverse and wide-ranging as Sociology, Astrophysics, Economics, Botany and Anatomy. He is an author of many papers across these fields. His most important work “The conclusive refutation of big bang theory” (Which is considered as the origin point of the Universe, Aamir’s junior added as a sidenote for the benefit of Sultana) was not even taken for consideration because of Aamir’s lack of physics degree even though Aamir had backed with considerable evidence that the Universe grew billions of years ago from the size of an atomic particle and gradually kept growing in a slow and steady manner which is contrary to what the big bang model proposes.  Had this evidence been proposed by someone with appropriate credentials, that person would have been an easy candidate for the Nobel Prize because the evidence is presented with scientific precision and mathematical elegance. His other important work “The manifesting force of myths in development of civilizations” was rejected by the Brahmins of the Social Science department because they did not want to encourage a Muslim from a humble background. Aamir pretends to be a good Muslim but secretly prefers the symmetrical verses of Bhagavadgita over the profound wisdom of Quran. The only sexual act that Aamir has ever experienced is when Zaira, his friend’s sister, put me in her mouth more out of pity than out of any real attraction. He has also contemplated suicide many times since no one has managed to understand him yet and he feels extremely lonely but his intellectual pursuits have deterred him from committing the final act. I have no more secrets to reveal”

As the revelation ended, Aamir shrugged nonchalantly and proceeded to the small corner where he could read important ideas in his cheap smartphone without being disturbed.  Sultana felt completely exhausted by this time and could feel the walls of tranquillity, which she had erected so carefully over time, being breached and shattered in her mind. Nothing was the way it seemed and everything was shrouded by illusion and secrecy. Even Aamir, whom she believed to be straightforward, turned out to be deviously complex. He even wanted to commit suicide!  The disillusionment of Sultana was complete. Fearing she would go insane if she was dealt more truth, she closed her eyes to summon the genie mentally and implored him to take his wretched ring back.  When she opened her eyes, the ring had disappeared. Sanity prevailed thereafter.